somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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