brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
