you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
