So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
