I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She bit a glass in half.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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