He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
