it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
