Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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