I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
