So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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