haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
