I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
