I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My life is pants optional.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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