Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
