dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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