M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
