How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
