I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
