He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
