the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
