Pappa wants mamma naked
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize