Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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