And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
