your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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