Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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