So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
