But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
