where am i from again
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
