what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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