Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
