Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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