I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
