I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
