Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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