I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
