nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
