An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
