I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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