Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
