i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
