Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
