Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
