Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
