How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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