True but thats because hes a fetus.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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