I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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