Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
