Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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