I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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