you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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