R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
