im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
