All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
