ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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