you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
