What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
