She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
