Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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