It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
