one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
