Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize