Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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