remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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