I puked a lego.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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