It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
