So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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