Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
