your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
