I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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