Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
