I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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