Small penises have feelings too.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
