Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
