If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
