this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
