you guys were way drunker than both of me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
