If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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