no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
These tits shall not be calmed
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