How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
