my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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