I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
