He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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